JUMPER

poster Against my much better judgment I went to see this ……”film” last night with my film pal extraordinaire, Marita (my cousin). Really I should have known better, I mean half a star from Margaret and David wasn’t exactly a vote of confidence.

…but the trailer made it look so good!….

(Well at least I didn’t waste any money, and I don’t really wanna waste much time on it now so this will be quick and relatively painless – I hope)

THE SET UP? While the concept has promise, the plot and resulting script are shameful. David Rice is a JUMPER – a human being able to teleport himself instantly to any location in the world he can visualize. He discovers this gift as a fifteen year old dork with an impossible crush on friend, Millie. He leaves home and begins his career as a bank robber. Years later he’s told by fellow jumper, Griffin, that jumpers have been hunted down and killed by the paladins (stupid name) for centuries and he is within the their sights. So David returns to see Millie and take her to Rome – on a plane. The rest of the film is a wild jumper-and-paladin chase around the globe with David, Griffin, and Millie as they run from Paladin leader Roland.

THE CAST?
bell and christensen Hayden Christensen plays David. I always had the sneaking suspicion that this guy couldn’t act, but because – I don’t know – he was just so darn cute I thought I’d apply naivety in his case. No more. Christensen really needs to find a day job – and so does the person who cast him.
Jamie Bell is Griffin. Billy Elliot is growing up and, unlike his co-star, is growing into a fine young actor. Its a massive shame that Bell’s character wasn’t cast as the film’s protagonist. Bell plays a much more likable character who evokes empathy and understanding in the audience while Christensen frustrates as the selfish and self-important David.
I just wanna know why in the hell were these characters written this way?!
Rachel Bilson is Millie. Arghhhh…. Just….bad. (but not as bad as Christensen). And, not that this is Bilson’s fault, but she looks nothing like the younger version of Millie at age fifteen – its like its a different character.
Samuel L. Jackson plays Agent Roland. Sammy L, Sammy L what are we going to do with you? His performance here is so UNmentionable that all I can say is his white hair piece was an awesome abomination.

jacksonWHY SHOULD YOU SEE THIS FILM? I hope I’ve made it pretty clear you shouldn’t.

WHO SHOULD YOU SEE IT WITH? Assuming you’ll do what I did and ignore all your inner thoughts instructing you that watching your dog throw up his meaty-bites would be better viewing than this drivel…it wouldn’t really matter who you went with.

ANY BITS TO KNOW OF? Besides bad acting, a bad hair piece and rather dull SFX, there is some electronic related violence – but you’re not going to see it anyway so no need to go any further.

THIS FILMS GETS 1 GOLD STAR and it belongs solely to Jamie Bell, and the boom operator who did his job really well.

It was just incredibly frustrating to watch the potential of this concept of jumping/teleportation squandered on this.

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WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY

poster INITIAL RANTING: After many plees from my brother I finally went and saw this film with him. A film he had already seen once before but told me it was “awesome” and “soooooo funny”.

That should have been my first clue.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story comes from the same people as Superbad, Knocked Up, The 40 Year-Old Virgin and Talledaga Nights. But unlike these films, Walk Hard – a would-be parody of Walk the Line – seems to fall exceedingly short.

This review should be short and sweet – the movie was already a waste of time.

THE SET UP? Young Dewey Cox, growing up in a provincial family in the country somewhere, accidently causes the death of his brother (he cuts him in half with a machete) and therefore goes through childhood trauma, but out of his despair he discovers a love and a gift of music. Will Dewey make it? Will Dewey go on drugs? Will Dewey leave his first wife for the far more attractive and supportive back up singer? If you’ve seen Walk the Line you’ll know the answers to these questions, and therefore the (very) rough plot of this film written by upcoming comic heavy weight Judd Apatow.

band
THE CAST?
John C. Reilly is Dewey Cox. Up until fairly recently Reilly had successfully proven his ability to act well in film, however with some of his recent outings, namely this “film” and Talladega Nights I feel somewhat reminded of Andy Millman in When the Whistle Blows, an actor who is embarrassing himself for the purposes of fame. “Are you ‘aving a laugh?”
Jenna Fischer plays Darlene Madison, the Reese Witherspoon equivalent and second wife of Dewey Cox. As much as I love Fischer as Pam in the US Office it is becoming clear she is incapable of acting in anything else with any conviction. Harsh but true.
The only delight of Walk Hard comes from the endless stream of cameos throughout the film, the most memorable scene in the film is set in India with Cox and his band talking to the Beatles, played to parodic perfection by Paul Rudd, Jack Black, Jason Schwartsman and Justin Long. Now that was a good rip-off – easily the best written part of the film as well. These guys, all uncredited, knew how to embody their characters to actually be oddly and brilliantly convincing as Lennon, MacCartney, Ringo and Harrison (resp.) – unlike Reilly and Fischer who were just pretending to be these other people, as if knowing what they were doing was pointless.
A bit harsh I know. Moving on.

WHY SHOULD YOU SEE IT? Beats me. Maybe if you want a reasonably light hearted comedy, that doesn’t involve too much thinking, this is a film for you. It can be entertaining at times, but I left the theatre wondering “Now, why did I see that?”

Rudd as Lennon WHO SHOULD YOU SEE IT WITH/ANY BITS? I’ll deal with these two questions together. If you go see it, see it with people who aren’t embarrassed by male and female nudity. On the plus side, equality, right? Swearing is minimal, could have done with more 😛

THIS FILM GETS 1.5 GOLD STARS (Paul Rudd took it from 1.0 – 1.5)