JUMPER

poster Against my much better judgment I went to see this ……”film” last night with my film pal extraordinaire, Marita (my cousin). Really I should have known better, I mean half a star from Margaret and David wasn’t exactly a vote of confidence.

…but the trailer made it look so good!….

(Well at least I didn’t waste any money, and I don’t really wanna waste much time on it now so this will be quick and relatively painless – I hope)

THE SET UP? While the concept has promise, the plot and resulting script are shameful. David Rice is a JUMPER – a human being able to teleport himself instantly to any location in the world he can visualize. He discovers this gift as a fifteen year old dork with an impossible crush on friend, Millie. He leaves home and begins his career as a bank robber. Years later he’s told by fellow jumper, Griffin, that jumpers have been hunted down and killed by the paladins (stupid name) for centuries and he is within the their sights. So David returns to see Millie and take her to Rome – on a plane. The rest of the film is a wild jumper-and-paladin chase around the globe with David, Griffin, and Millie as they run from Paladin leader Roland.

THE CAST?
bell and christensen Hayden Christensen plays David. I always had the sneaking suspicion that this guy couldn’t act, but because – I don’t know – he was just so darn cute I thought I’d apply naivety in his case. No more. Christensen really needs to find a day job – and so does the person who cast him.
Jamie Bell is Griffin. Billy Elliot is growing up and, unlike his co-star, is growing into a fine young actor. Its a massive shame that Bell’s character wasn’t cast as the film’s protagonist. Bell plays a much more likable character who evokes empathy and understanding in the audience while Christensen frustrates as the selfish and self-important David.
I just wanna know why in the hell were these characters written this way?!
Rachel Bilson is Millie. Arghhhh…. Just….bad. (but not as bad as Christensen). And, not that this is Bilson’s fault, but she looks nothing like the younger version of Millie at age fifteen – its like its a different character.
Samuel L. Jackson plays Agent Roland. Sammy L, Sammy L what are we going to do with you? His performance here is so UNmentionable that all I can say is his white hair piece was an awesome abomination.

jacksonWHY SHOULD YOU SEE THIS FILM? I hope I’ve made it pretty clear you shouldn’t.

WHO SHOULD YOU SEE IT WITH? Assuming you’ll do what I did and ignore all your inner thoughts instructing you that watching your dog throw up his meaty-bites would be better viewing than this drivel…it wouldn’t really matter who you went with.

ANY BITS TO KNOW OF? Besides bad acting, a bad hair piece and rather dull SFX, there is some electronic related violence – but you’re not going to see it anyway so no need to go any further.

THIS FILMS GETS 1 GOLD STAR and it belongs solely to Jamie Bell, and the boom operator who did his job really well.

It was just incredibly frustrating to watch the potential of this concept of jumping/teleportation squandered on this.

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One Response

  1. I think this is the first one you’ve made me want to see. 😛

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